Yesterday, I did something which I regret. It wasn’t anything terrible, and there was really nobody that I needed to apologize to. I just wished I had handled a situation differently.
Now, if you’ve never done this or if you are able to quickly say, “Oh well,” and move on with the day, then this blog post may not be for you. However, if you’ve ever had even part of your day emotionally hijacked wishing that you could get a do over, I hope you’ll find as much peace in Anthony DeMello’s, The Kingdom, as I did.
In DeMello’s reflection, he invites me to consider the words in the parable of the sower in a new way. This is the parable from Luke:
“A farmer went out to plant seed. As e scattered it across his field, some seed fell on a footpath, where it was stepped on, and the birds ate it. Other seed fell among rocks. It began to grow, but the plant soon wilted and died for lack of moisture. Other seed fell among thorns that grew up with it and choked out the tender plants. Still other seed fell on fertile soil. This seek grew and produced a crop that was a hundred times as much as had been planted!” When Jesus had said this, he called out, “Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.” (Luke 8: 5-8)
I’ve always heard these words as aspirational. God will be pleased (with me) when he sows seed in my heart and my heart is like the fertile soil. And, I believe that happens, sometimes. But on days like yesterday, I feel as though God’s seeds fell among the thorns of my woundedness. And, it is that feeling that I have fallen short of who I want to be and who I believe God wants me to be that can steal hours from my day as I relive the decision.
DeMello offers me the chance to hear the words of this parable not as aspirational but with God’s love and compassion. He writes:
And I recall the parable the Lord gave as a symbol of the Kingdom (of God). And I love the whole of that field (as God does). I love the rock and the fertile soil, the pathway and the thorns, for all of it is part of life. I love the seed that is sensationally fruitful and the seed that has just average success. Today I especially love the seed that is sown only to perish so that before it goes into oblivion it will be blessed and redeemed.
I realized as I read this, God is continuously sowing seeds in our lives. He does not give us only one chance to reap a hundred times as much as He has planted. And His love for us is not dependent on the seeds he sows falling on fertile ground. God loves each one of us with a love that delights in (and redeems) all the moments of our lives.
So, it is with ears that hear and understand that I move into my day. I am comforted in the knowledge that God will continue to sow seeds in my life. And, He will love me with the same unconditional love whether those seeds fall on rocky or fertile soil. With that understanding, I can say with DeMello:
I contemplate (my mistakes) not with sadness, not with guilt, but with patient understanding, for I wish to love life as much in its failure as in its success.
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Anthony DeMello, the author of Wellsprings and numerous other books, was a Jesuit priest known throughout the world for his writings and spiritual conferences.